It was Thanksgiving yesterday. Even though we don’t ‘celebrate’ it it’s entrenched into our calendars – mostly because of TV. Putting aside the history of Thanksgiving, I thought of an answer to a question I get asked quite a lot; Why are you thankful for Christos’ Autism?
Obviously, what kind of monster would wish Autism upon her brother? Why wouldn’t I want him to be ‘normal’?
It’s more about embracing what you have and less wishing it was there. If my brother was not on the spectrum I wouldn’t wish him to be. But my brother is on spectrum, and I don’t wish he wasn’t. I love what I have been given, instead of wanting what I don’t have. I don’t wish he was ‘normal’; instead I wish that he is happy being who he is. I don’t know what Christos would be like if he wasn’t on the spectrum – he could have been in prison or he could have been President. The possibilities are endless. ‘Normal’ doesn’t mean ‘better’.
Why would I spend my life imagining what he could have been when I can spend it loving him for who he is right now?
I’m thankful for my brother’s Autism because:
- He’s honest. I’ve written about this before; he laughs at what he finds funny when he finds it funny; he runs around in a shop and shouts out to express happiness; he yells when he’s mad. He doesn’t conceal himself; he has no inhibitions.
- He is loyal. Anyone who says they’ve never snapped at their kid is a liar. I snap at him all the time; I tell him what to do all the time; I pinch him; I push him; I eat his food; I sit on him while he’s sleeping; I pull on his chubby chin; but he loves me nonetheless. He doesn’t judge me for living abroad. He doesn’t hold it against me that I’m not there to laugh with him, to watch films with him, to cook for him, to just hang out with him. He won’t judge me for my imperfections, he won’t throw them in my face, he won’t swear or call me names or use me to get what he wants. Well, he might use me to get a chocolate ice cream but I can live with that. He loves and forgives all of us every day.
- The Autism Community. We are part of this extraordinary group of people from around the globe. We get to meet them, and share recipes, experiences, compassion. I’ve met people through the blog, through Christos’ school who I admire and cherish. People who know me, understand me better than anyone else, even though I’ve never explained myself. To be part of a community that is always searching, always trying, always striving for success, for more knowledge, for more answers is a gift. We support each other with one message, one mind, one common cause.
- He is unpredictable. Which probably sounds like a stupid thing to say since this entire blog talks about his routine and how every minute of every day is scheduled. He is unpredictable in his show of intelligence; long division, calculations he can do it all. He is unpredictable in his vocabulary; he knows words we didn’t know he knew, and he knows exactly when to use them, he doesn’t hesitate when reading – he always tries even if it’s a different language – he’s always learning. His memory always stops you in your tracks. He remembers which turn to take to go to a house we went to once 5 years ago; he remembers where they keep their pasta; he remembers songs from when he was little. He remembers what kind of crisps he had in Disneyland 3 years ago; which table we sat at for tea and which bus we had to take to our hotel. The smallest thing will trigger a memory he has. Usually he’ll tell us about it and we’ll either struggle to remember or we’ll be at a loss for words.
- He is a role model. I’ve said this all before, so many times, but watching my little brother grow up has been an inspiration. I have learned so much from him about life, love, trust, respect. Watching him grow, learn, speak, sing, laugh, swim; watching him develop his skills, his vocabulary, his character; being there for every outburst, for every cuddle is a gift in itself. There is nothing I can’t face, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him. He made me better, he gave me purpose. His Autism, his blog, his stories have been shared and read around the world; he is influencing people everywhere and he has no idea. He is shifting views of Autism from “disease” to “difference”; from “strange” to “interesting”; from ignorance to awareness; from stigma to acceptance.
I am thankful for all the good and bad things that come with Autism; every scream, every slap, every word I’ve had to repeat a million times. I am thankful to be able to look up to someone who doesn’t even try to be someone to look up to. So yeah, maybe it makes me a horrible person but, I am thankful for his Autism.