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21 and Atypical: The stories we don’t tell

I remember so many 2am’s almost drifting into sleep when I would hear Christos whisper “Oh” and wait for me to repeat it. If i didn’ respond he would climb int bed with me until I did. Sometimes I didn’t use the right volume, tone or accent so he repeated it until I did, all night and as long as he wasn’t asleep himself.  By the time 6am came around and all three of us struggled to put his socks on, the right way. They need to be put on perfectly, if not you start again. If you touch the wrong spot, or accidentally stroke his ankle, toe at any point you have to start again. If you tickle him or give him an inadvertent ‘Lets go’ pat, you start again. If you don’t start at the right end, if both sides aren’t moving up at the same pace, if its too high or too low, you start again, you start again, you start again. No loose ends, no marks, no holes otherwise you start again. Even if its not visible, is it a new pair? Are you sure they’re a pair? Start again, just in case. Then come the shoes. Something’s not right; is it the shoes or the socks? Take everything off and start again. By the time we were ready for school we had already lived an entire working day.

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Stephanos, while in bed at night will hear his mum – or whoever is downstairs – clear their throat and he will run down the stairs, go straight outsidem, lie flat on the ground in the garden and sing a song until he is not upset and he is ready to go back to bed. Just like anyone of us the boys have characters of their own. They get angry when people don’t understand them, when a sound is so loud or a light is so bright that it interferes with their welbeing – wouldn’t you? Sometimes, they shout, scream and lose control – don’t you? The difference is that you can communicate your frustration, you can talk about it and find ways forward.

But what if you couldn’t?

Christos’ triggers could have been anything when he was growing up. We were all learning, trying to get to know this ball of fire that was gifted to us. Sometimes the consequence was a million ‘Ohs’, sometimes it was scratching at a mosquito bite until it was raw. I remember his arms, legs and face bear the scars of his incessant picking at every bit of his skin and tearing off any protection we tried to offer. He twisted his arm, legs and head hair to the point of pulling it off. Other times, he would be hitting his head with a closed fist so hard it left a mark, punching his arms and legs while clenching his jaw in frustration to whatever it was we had done wrong. What could we do? He was obsessed with every little spot on him, us, clothes items around the house. We would wipe and wipe and wipe until our hands we sore but whatever it was he could see was still there. When he became a teenager his frustration grew, and so did he. He is 6ft something and 90kg, he overshadows me at 5.2ft (and whatever weight I am depending on the year) and the rest of our family, teachers, friends. He would throw anything that was in his hand. I remember him once throwing his school bag over a tall bush and into the middle of the road. I remember him squeezing my fingers in his palm until I cried or squeezing my nans arm until he got yelled at by mum. He dug his nails so hard into his own skin that it bled and then he would cry.

At 13, Stephanos broke a window in his home. His injuries were so bad that he needed surgery. The next day, he woke up in pain, disorientated, and with stitches. He ripped them off during his meltdown despite his family’s best and desperate efforts to help. His self-harm started during his puberty. He used a closed fist to hit the side of his face so hard that he caused the retina in his eye to detach. His family lived with his rage and self-harm every day for years, this had become commonplace. He didn’t communicate to say something felt off but one day his mum noticed a whiteness in his eye and took him to the doctor who confirmed that Stephanos is blind in one eye. To help control his outbursts, his family used medication to calm him down but they say they never got to the root of the aggression, which peaked at 16/7 years old. Was it pain? Was it sensory? All they know was that they felt lost.

The families all feel guilt for not doing enough and for any harm the boys inflict on themselves, for every behaviour, every sound or scream. Not only are they judged and stared at for every atypical behaviour, they judge themselves always striving to do and give more. What parent doesn’t feel that? Our parent’s stood up, against all odds, in a society that didn’t even know the word ‘autism’ and created functioning, well-behaved adults who understand, laugh and love. What were you like as a teenager? And if you weren’t taught to refrain yourselves would you know how to?

Sensory sensitivity can be a real struggle. We could lie and say we are used to it after 20 years but it’s still frustrating and I still get annoyed and fight with Christos. The only advice that exists is keep at it, you’ll get it right at some point. It’s not their fault, and it sure isn’t your fault. We don’t understand what they see, hear or feel and that is in no way your fault. To everyone else who doesn’t live with autism – sometimes we don’t even hear the screaming because we live in a ball of scream. Other times, we don’t react to the hitting or pulling or scratching or throwing because we live in a world where silence is not the typical. Once the 100th storm of the day has passed, Stephanos’ calming depends on which behaviour has been triggered. He may go lie down by the front door, run to the back of the house, sing a song and stim with his index finger or stay flat down reciting a song. He will shred flowers, grass and weeds through his fingers, at day or night and for hours. He goes back in the house, he smiles and suddenly the slate is wiped. You have the strength to take on another 7 storms. Once the millionth ‘Oh’ has been said, Christos will just repeat our names over and over until we look like we are happy. He will shower us with cuddles and make us apologise for what we did to cause it. He will laugh until we laugh and he will cry if we cry. He will apologise and smile. Suddenly my fingers don’t hurt anymore and his kissy face makes it all ok.

So what happens when we aren’t there? Where will these reactions be housed? Where 11165285_10206036337501718_7756282778690047842_nwill they find forgiveness? How will they be understood? How do you size them up, find what they need and keep them safe? In Cyprus, in our case, the answer is to create something our government doesn’t offer – or can’t offer quickly enough. We work to find ways to fund high quality facilities which are based on ethical and inspiring opportunities for children and young adults with autism in the Famagusta area. To recruit and ensure that their education and development doesn’t stop just because being ‘typical’ means you leave school at 18. The members of the Autism Support Famagusta charity work all day, take care of their family and rack their brains to facilitate activities and growth based on individual interests and skills. Two of the boys going into this home will be Christos and Stephanos will you help?

The stories we don’t tell are the stories where we are all to blame for not making this world a world we can all live, grow and be in. They are stories in which our pursuit for comfortable and easy conversations are depriving young adults their future. They are the stories in which we are the villains for not caring enough because it’s not our ‘problem’. Christos and Stephanos hide from the Disney villains on the TV and they turn the villains around them to warriors. Which one are you? And what will you do this April, for autism awareness month, to make sure everyone has a place in this world? Until every last piece of the puzzle fits?

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Hot Sunday

 

It’s Sunday and Chris is with dad. They are up to the usual ‘Dad Routine‘. Playing with flat beans, cooking curry and going for walks. 

They will prepare his meals together, like i mentioned before there is a special recipe for everything he eats and he loves helping and contributing to the process.

They haven’t seen eachother for a while so Christos decided to overindulge and had two plates of curry.. Which turned out to be a little bit too hot for him. In this video, even though his face is on fire, he still smiles.

 

Happy Sunday!

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Army: Enlisting Autism

If I had to make a list of improbable professions for Autism, at the top of my list would be the Army. However, on the 6th of Jan I read an article about Israel’s Defence Force’s “Visual Intelligence Division”. Unit 9900 soldiers act as eyes on the ground for highly sensitive operations, analysing complex images delivered in real time from military satellites around the world. Isn’t that mental? When I think of army, I still think of open fields, Captains riding horses, swords and general gruesomeness.

So, I researched a bit more and found that between 2004 and 2011 in Israel, the number of Israelis on the autism spectrum increased fivefold, with 1,000 new diagnoses per year, according to a survey released by the country’s Social Affairs Ministry. Obviously, that is due to a lot of things; mostly, the scientific advancements that have occurred within the past 20 years which enable diagnosis to be available more readily and accurately now. I wasn’t surprised to read about the stigma that follows Autism everywhere it is. There have been suspensions from schools, mostly attributed to the fact that there are no official special education guidelines for autistic students which the school should follow. That’s why we need awareness – so that we can create a framework for all over the world, so that children on the spectrum won’t be branded as naughty or get dosed up on medication at school. This doesn’t just happen in Israel, this happens in the UK, this happens in the US – children on the spectrum are not provided with the education they deserve.

Ro’im Rachok, which in Hebrew means “seeing into the future” is a programme that is aimed at teenagers/adults with Autism. They recruit graduates and provide them with training for enlistment in the Israel Defense Forces. The programme has already had two cohorts of autistic Israelis who have successfully served as image analysts. Much like any other high risk job there are a lot of tests to overcome in order to become part of the Ro’im Rachok. It’s not like the army goes in and picks up all the autistic kids and forces them to join. In fact, students have to undergo tests and interviews so as to ensure that they actually have the skills to be able to analyse images. Not everyone on the spectrum is a genius, or can analyse pictures. Only 12 made the cut this year.

Israel’s 12 then were hosted by the Ono Academic College, which teaches satellite-image analysis. This is a three-month course which runs three times a year. During the three months, the unit’s commanders begin to train the recruits on how to read aerial maps, amongst other things. The thing that really impressed me was the support provided to the ‘students’ during the initial process as well as the course. They can opt-out at any point, they have a team of therapists who they meet regularly who are there to help them with adjusting to the new routine and dealing with stress. I mean this could be anything from getting to campus for class and to digesting the importance and responsibility of the work itself. They have constant support which is crucial. It’s one thing to start a programme with autistic recruits and it’s a whole other world knowing how to maintain it and reinforce it with the appropriate support.

The final phase, which is also 3 months, consists of professional training and therapy sessions at an army base in Tel Aviv. Then they, and they alone, decide if they are ready for enlistment. So, from recruitment to the end of the 6 months there is absolutely no obligation to enlist. Some may walk away with enriched social skills, enhanced professional training and benefits from the therapy which will lead to a better life, hopefully, for them and their families. They get to go home with a sense of worth – they get to apply for jobs and say ‘Hey, I trained for the army’. They get to go out into the world and destroy stereotypes. The ones that do enlist also have the choice to opt out after the end of each year. Or they can go on to complete the required term of service; three years for men and two for women. Yes, women with Autism can be recruited, trained and enlisted too – why did you think they couldn’t? Ro’im Rachok has had one female soldier to date (2016).

One of the recruits, who is only 21, described the job as sitting in front of computer screens and scanning high-resolution satellite images for suspicious objects or movements; this is decoding. I also found out that Israel’s battlegrounds are very complex and inhabited by civilians most of the time; which I guess is the case in most conflict zones. This is why the job Unit 9900 does is so important – because it protects civilians. The autistic recruits analyse these satellite images, decode them, comb  through each millimetre of the same location from various angles and warn soldiers on the ground of what lies ahead, inform them if there is dangerous or suspicious activity; they are helping prevent the loss of life of soldiers on the ground and civilians.

When you think of Autism – do you think it is capable of this enormous responsibility? Because they are, and reading and learning is the way for you to realise the potential held by these remarkable individuals. Autism isn’t something negative, it is not a disease; it’s a character trait. Ro’im Rachok is already thinking long-term and for ways in which they can train recruits to apply for roles like quality assurance, programming, and information sorting. This expansion by the Israeli army means that the autistic community in Israel, and the world, will get recognition domestically and globally. On a domestic level they are given the opportunity to work, just like with Microsoft and the BBC. They get to become known for more than just their Autism and be welcomed and integrated into their societies.

When the whole neighbourhood suddenly sees their neighbour, a boy on the autism spectrum, coming home on Friday in uniformand hears that they can also continue in these fields into civilian work—it naturally has an enormous influence” – Efrat Selanikyo, occupational therapist at Ono College.

When the whole world suddenly finds out about people on the spectrum that are put in charge of handling situations which carry such great responsibility and excel at it; when they read about how Autism can advance, develop and surpass all the expectations the global community has of them; when they hear stories about how an autistic decoder helped save the lives of soldiers and civilians on the ground; and when they see a picture of an autistic person in uniform being praised for their bravery and service to their country and the Autism community; that’s when we break society’s rules. That’s when we expand our society into accepting people that are unique.

That’s when we become human.

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Legacy

Christos wore the jumper I bought him for Christmas on New Years  – the one that says ‘Unwrap Me’. He said Happy New Year, he said Merry Christmas, he
gave us lots of Skype kisses and then he sat down at the top of the table, had his dinner and then went upstairs to play with his game boy.

What were his New Year’s resolutions? Well he wants to have a Lemon Iced Tea and Garlic Bake Rolls at the airport when I visit in February. I am not visiting in February – this is just something he does. I have two theories on why he does this: 1) He wants Bake Rolls and Iced Tea, which he only gets when he goes to the airport, and since the last time he had them was August, well, he misses those two things; 2) He misses me – I like to believe that is why he has made up a date for me to visit.

That was his new years resolution. Autism is not this pandemonium-spreading ‘disease’, with the correctly adjusted supervision, thousands of hours of hard work, repetition, routine, and cooperation we get to create humans worthy of being part of a society. Every child on the spectrum is different and 2015 has been a great year in terms of Autism News. From my perspective, there has been so much coverage, initiatives, events specifically for Autism than any other year.

The most recent eye-cathcing news is Hillary Clinton’s plan to support children, youth, and adults living with Autism. For those of you who don’t know, this isn’t the first time Clinton has dabbled in Autism. In fact, as First Lady, raised awareness and funding for autism by supporting the bipartisan Children’s Health Act of 2000, focusing on Autism research. In the Senate, she introduced the bipartisan Expanding the Promise for Individuals with Autism Act, facilitating interventions and support for Americans with Autism. She also,  cosponsored legislation in 2006 which allocated a significant amount of money for autism-related programs; research, education, early detection, and intervention. All publicity is good publicity. Now the media is talking about how other candidates in the race will ‘match’ Clinton’s plan. Hell, if that’s what it takes to get the government to look at Autism initiatives then so be it; i’ll take it – we all will. Any initiative is an initiative, any debate is a debate, any research, any failed programme anything is progress.

2016 is a big year. A colleague and I have relocated to Brussels, it’s a Leap Year, the USA might have it’s first female president, another Bush or (god forbid) Trump, Boy George is on the Voice, Christo is turning 18. My brother is turning 18. He will be considered – by society – to be an adult. But what will this society offer him when he reaches adulthood?

What will you do this year to make sure that your fellow humans, your kids, your neighbours kids, whoever’s kids have a smooth and enjoyable transition from teenager to adult? What are we, what is this generation, giving the next generation?

It all starts with reading, listening, researching about, in this case, Autism. Educate yourselves and those around you, learn about Autism and pass on a legacy that will make future generations better.

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Autism in 2015

2015 has been an interesting year for Autism and a lot of spectrum stories had their spotlight moment.

  1. Julia, the ‘Sesame Street’ first-ever muppet with Autism
  2. img_0198NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity‘ is an Autism book nominated for the Samuel Johnson Prize. Steve Silberman’s NeuroTribes documents the funny history of autism, the neurodiversity of the autistic population, and dismissed the notion of af an “autism epidemic.” It debuted on the New York Times bestseller list and has been picked as a top Human Right’s book.
  3. Largest study ever conducted to prove that there is no MMR-Autism link in large study of vaccinated versus unvaccinated kids. In April, the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) published the study which compared autism rates among vaccinated versus unvaccinated children. The investigation followed more than 95,000 children and confirmed again that there is no link between autism and the measles-mumps-rubella vaccine.
  4. The word “neurodiversity” was added to dictionary.com. It is defined as “the variation and differences in neurological structure and function that exist among human beings, especially when viewed as being normal and natural rather than pathological.”
  5. High-profile Initiatives:
    1. Microsoft announced a new pilot program with Specialisterne, focused on hiring people with autism for full-time, Microsoft positions.
    2. The BBC launched ‘Employ Me’ which will enable people with neurological conditions to find employment – from autism and Tourette’s to ADHD and Down’s Syndrome.
    3. Spectrum Singles is a dating site for people on the Autism spectrum, created by people on the Autism spectrum. Unlike other dating sites, it brings together all people on the spectrum for dating or friendships, but it is also unique in that it is able to acknowledge and integrate a person according to their position on the spectrum. The Spectrum Compatibility Test™ narrows down the prospects to match individual spectrum characteristics with a select group of spectrum compatible matches.
  6. Oliver Sacks, the neurologist and author of many books which explored human neurology, succumbed to cancer and Iain Croft, the founder of Autism World Magazine, passed this December.
  7. RiverTown Crossings Mall Santa caused a sensation online in the run up to Christmas because he sat down and listened to a little boy who decided to tell Santa that he is not a naughty boy, he has Autism. And that Santa told him that it’s okay – it’s okay to be who you are.
  8. Girls with Autism‘ debuted on ITV and it was breathtaking. The first ever documentary about Britain’s only state-run school for girls with autism and offered a unique insight into what it means to be autistic and a teenage girl.
  9. James Williams, or Jim the Trim  barber in Briton Ferry Wales, posted photos showing himself lying on the ground next to Mason, a boy with Autism, giving him a haircut.He did this because Mason is wary of getting his hair cut. Which we can definitely relate to with Christo. Up until a couple of years ago my parents did it at home. A couple of years before that we, all three of us, had to physically hold him down so as to get through a hair cut. It’s a beautiful story, not because it is unique, this happens in a large number of Autism homes. It’s a beautiful story because it is a reflection of what humanity can become.
  10. Ten will be that Christos now eats salmon, and chicken, and peas, he shaves his stubble on his own and he is really good at darts. He knows the word ‘mermaid’ in Greek and he is still only 17. Ten is that people that didn’t grow up around him, didn’t go to school with him know about him, know his name, find comfort in his stories and send him wishes, love and strength. It is about the 100,000 people he has reached this year and the opinions he has changed.

Ten is Christos.

Happy New Year World

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Christmas Wishlist

I’ve heard three Christmas stories this week.

  1. The recurring one was actually the same story I hear every year. The story you probably hear every year at this time – the one about presents. The one where you start complaining about how expensive Christmas is, or how busy the shops are, or how tired you are because you’ve had too many Christmas parties already.
  2. The second one was about Sean Stewart. Sean is 10 years old and lives in Louisiana . His wish this Christmas is to receive 1,000 Christmas cards. You see, Sean’s favourite thing in the world is getting mail. Last year, his mum launched a card campaign through which he received 450 cards. She said “He’s definitely a person who shows that, despite the odds, he’s willing to and he’s tried so hard to break this idea of what people speculate, or what people think about with people with special needs. He is definitely breaking the mold”. Ah, Sean is on the spectrum. Sean’s mom says in addition to helping with his communication, the Christmas card campaign has helped her son develop new interests in things, like collecting stamps and stickers and learning about geography. You can send Sean cards at: Sean Stewart, P.O. Box 359, Natchitoches, LA 71458.
  3. The last one was about a mall Santa. It read “My child is amazing! He has his quirks and drives me bonkers, but he is amazing! The other day he went to see Santa w the cousins. He said his peace to the old man in red and walked away. While aunt Brittany waited for pictures to print, he went back to Santa bc he wanted to tell him that he has Autism. He was flapping his hands, all excited to let Santa know that he has autism. Santa sat him next to him and took L’s hands in his and started rubbing them, calming them down. Santa asked L if it bothered him, having Autism? L said yes, sometimes. Then Santa told him it shouldn’t. It shouldn’t bother him to be who he is. L told Santa that sometimes he gets in trouble at school and it’s hard for people to understand that he has autism, and that he’s not a naughty boy. Santa told L to not worry and that he has been a very good boy being who he is. They sat, and chatted for at least 5 mins. Santa payed close attention and listened to him. This just melts this momma’s heart! My child is a great advocate for himself. But this day was different. He opened up to this person about who he was and he was accepted. He wasn’t a science experiment, like he gets treated when most people find out he autistic. He was Landon, sitting with Santa and being told that it was ok to be himself. Mommy tells him all the time that he’s special and I love him the way he was made, but it’s always nice to hear it from others. To be told that it’s ok to be who he is.
    We have met a lot of amazing people in our Autism journey, but this one made the top of the list.
    Shout out to the Santa at the RiverTown Crossings Mall. You.are.AMAZING.

This Christmas, amongst the THOUSANDS of presents you buy, you can maybe send a card to Sean, or sit with a person on the spectrum or one of their family members and just listen. It is impossible to explain to people whose Christmas budget may easily count up to thousands that an autism family’s Christmas list looks like this:

  • Make sure my child is comfortable.

Only when it comes to food does Christos ever ask us to buy him something. He used to maybe ask for anything that had Toy Story or Super Mario on it, and because it’s such a rare occurrence we would rush to buy it for him. When we were in Disneyland, this year, he would point at stuff, I’d run over and pick it up to buy and he would grab my hand and ask me to return it. He didn’t want it, he didn’t need it; he just wanted me to look at that toy from Toy Story, he wanted to tell me who the character was, he wanted me to be as excited to see it as he was. It’s difficult buying Christos presents because he literally doesn’t need anything and he never asks for anything either. I used to buy him packs of DVD’s, which he would hide for years, or games for this Game Boy which he probably hasn’t played since I bought them because he only plays one game per year approx. So, now I buy him clothes because I know he’ll wear those (sometimes). This year i got him a jumper that says ‘Unwrap me’ which I think the family will giggle at – and Christos will enjoy smile that comes with the jokes he won’t understand.

Christos doesn’t write Santa lists, he doesn’t get a new phone, or the latest game; he doesn’t want it. All he wants is the meal. The one where all of our insanely loud family sits around a table and eats until there is nowhere  else to put food except Tupperware to take home for the next couple of days. The one where my grandpa will say ‘Christo Cheers’ to him a million times and Christo will clink his glass a million and one times, because its Christmas and he knows that’s what we do on Christmas. He loves having people over – because of the food, but also because he loves having our family around. He loves the people he spends Christmas with and isn’t that what Christmas is all about? Loving your people. He waits for my mum to decorate the massive Christmas tree, and the rest of the house. She does an amazing job – and that perfectly decorated tree will be our Christmas memory forever. He wants the lights to be on, all flickery and cheerful, he reminds mum when she forgets. I think they still have a date booked on the calendar for when the tree goes up.

He’s learned to adapt to these
exaggerated surroundings for Christmas. Yes, his sensory sensitivity must go over the roof with the colours, the lights, the shouting, the food, the singing, the sheer madness – but he loves it. He waits for it. He has learned that that’s what we do, that’s who we are and he accepts it. He doesn’t want to be alone, or left out, or locked in his room. He wants to be alone with us – that’s his gift to us.

Don’t forget to send Sean a card this year; to tell a family they are doing a good job; to appreciate how lucky you are; to help a struggling parent in a busy shop with a crying kid. Don’t forget to be kind.

Happy Christmas world.

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Thankful

It was Thanksgiving yesterday. Even though we don’t ‘celebrate’ it it’s entrenched into our calendars – mostly because of TV. Putting aside the history of Thanksgiving, I thought of an answer to a question I get asked quite a lot; Why are you thankful for Christos’ Autism?

1415119_1403664636540982_1211116064_oObviously, what kind of monster would wish Autism upon her brother? Why wouldn’t I want him to be ‘normal’?

It’s more about embracing what you have and less wishing it was there. If my brother was not on the spectrum I wouldn’t wish him to be. But my brother is on spectrum, and I don’t wish he wasn’t. I love what I have been given, instead of wanting what I don’t have. I don’t wish he was ‘normal’; instead I wish that he is happy being who he is. I don’t know what Christos would be like if he wasn’t on the spectrum – he could have been in prison or he could have been President. The possibilities are endless. ‘Normal’ doesn’t mean ‘better’.

Why would I spend my life imagining what he could have been when I can spend it loving him for who he is right now?

I’m thankful for my brother’s Autism because:

  1. He’s honest. I’ve written about this before; he laughs at what he finds funny when he finds it funny; he runs around in a shop and shouts out to express happiness; he yells when he’s mad. He doesn’t conceal himself; he has no inhibitions.
  2. He is loyal. Anyone who says they’ve never snapped at their kid is a liar. I snap at him all the time; I tell him what to do all the time; I pinch him; I push him; I eat his food; I sit on him while he’s sleeping; I pull on his chubby chin; but he loves me nonetheless. He doesn’t judge me for living abroad. He doesn’t hold it against me that I’m not there to laugh with him, to watch films with him, to cook for him, to just hang out with him. He won’t judge me for my imperfections, he won’t throw them in my face, he won’t swear or call me names or use me to get what he wants. Well, he might use me to get a chocolate ice cream but I can live with that. He loves and forgives all of us every day.
  3. The Autism Community. We are part of this extraordinary group of people from around the globe. We get to meet them, and share recipes, experiences, compassion. I’ve met people through the blog, through Christos’ school who I admire and cherish. People who know me, understand me better than anyone else, even though I’ve never explained myself. To be part of a community that is always searching, always trying, always striving for success, for more knowledge, for more answers is a gift. We support each other with one message, one mind, one common cause.
  4. He is unpredictable. Which probably sounds like a stupid thing to say since this entire blog talks about his routine and how every minute of every day is scheduled. He is unpredictable in his show of intelligence; long division, calculations he can do it all. He is unpredictable in his vocabulary; he knows words we didn’t know he knew, and he knows exactly when to use them, he doesn’t hesitate when reading – he always tries even if it’s a different language – he’s always learning. His memory always stops you in your tracks. He remembers which turn to take to go to a house we went to once 5 years ago; he remembers where they keep their pasta; he remembers songs from when he was little. He remembers what kind of crisps he had in Disneyland 3 years ago; which table we sat at for tea and which bus we had to take to our hotel. The smallest thing will trigger a memory he has. Usually he’ll tell us about it and we’ll either struggle to remember or we’ll be at a loss for words.
  5. He is a role model. I’ve said this all before, so many times, but watching my little brother grow up has been an inspiration. I have learned so much from him about life, love, trust, respect. Watching him grow, learn, speak, sing, laugh, swim; watching him develop his skills, his vocabulary, his character; being there for every outburst, for every cuddle is a gift in itself. There is nothing I can’t face, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him. He made me better, he gave me purpose. His Autism, his blog, his stories have been shared and read around the world; he is influencing people everywhere and he has no idea. He is shifting views of Autism from “disease” to “difference”; from “strange” to “interesting”; from ignorance to awareness; from stigma to acceptance.

I am thankful for all the good and bad things that come with Autism; every scream, every slap, every word I’ve had to repeat a million times. I am thankful to be able to look up to someone who doesn’t even try to be someone to look up to. So yeah, maybe it makes me a horrible person but, I am thankful for his Autism.483721_10151540249360030_589832536_n