Love in an autism home means something different to the rest of the world. It means hassling your little bro for attention when he won’t play with you. It means finishing your homework and then doing his homework and speech therapy with him just so you can spend time together. Watching the same movie/scene over and over just to share experiences with him. It means staying up every night until he falls asleep first repeating his words. It means giving him all your tapes, toys, CDs, phones in the hope that it calms him down. It means running after him. It means making sure he is okay first.
Love in an autism home is fierce and overwhelming. As a sibling, I learned at the age of 10 that my childhood, teens and adulthood weren’t my own. As the big sister I thought this little boy was going to adore me, follow me around and annoy me for the rest of my life. Instead, he flipped it all on me and made me the follower.
Love in an autism home breaks you apart and builds you back up. It takes control of every little bit of your soul – even the ones you don’t find out about until years later – and it makes every piece of you better. It gives you the highest highs and some lows far lower than I ever knew were possible.
Love in an autism home takes away your identity. Whoever you thought you were is gone and now you’re someone new. Someone capable of things you never thought of – strength, emotional intelligence, thinking beyond the imaginable. It forces you to love yourself.
Love in an autism home inspires fears bigger than anything you can imagine. I am crippled by the fear of something happening to me because what would happen to him? Who would understand him and give him what he needs? Will he have a home and will he be safe? My fears manifest in love for myself; taking care of me and being overprotective of my welbeing. It made me selfish when it comes to health and forced me to be prepared for any eventuality I can imagine.
Love in an autism home takes away your eyesight and gives you perception. It leaves you blind to egos and gives you uninterrupted vision to see beyond the visible. To dream big and look forward to a future that is waiting to be written by the struggle and fight and determination of autism families for autism families.
On this day I reflect on a life so full of love and I am so grateful for my eternal Valentine – my brother. I hope I get to spend all my lifetimes being inspired by you.
Happy Valentines, Galentines, Malentines, Palentines and Friday to all of you ❤