I’ve been talking to parents of non-autistic kids and it suddenly made me really aware of how differently we see every day things. Like getting dressed for school, putting on socks/shoes, brushing teeth, fixing up hair, shaving, haircuts etc. This is going to be about the things you do while thinking of your day, your plan, a conversation. This is going to be about the things you do automatically, the small compromises you make when your shoes are a bit uncomfortable, the haircut you get while you chat away to your stylist, the minute amount of effort you put in washing your face in the morning. I want to make people aware of how different our lives are, why our worries may seem unusual. I want to let other parents know that they’re not alone.
The first post will be on socks.
Chris loves walking around barefoot, to the point where half of my dads day would be spent on running after him to put his socks back on or to wear shoes. He would wear them and then take them off almost immediately, run to us and give us hugs and kisses, just in case we got mad. There were shoes, slippers, socks everywhere. In an ironic twist of events now he wears shoes, slippers, flip flops around the house all the time. It used to take about half an hour to an hour getting him ready for school in the morning. The hour usually came as a result of what i remember as the ‘sock wars’.
Following on from the sensory sensitivity posts, socks were our biggest struggle. Somehow, even though he can dress himself and do everything by himself, socks were the only thing he would not put on; we had to do it. They need to be put on perfectly, if not you start again. If you touch the wrong spot, or accidentally stroke his ankle, toe at any point you have to start again. If you tickle him or give him an inadvertent ‘Lets go’ pat, you start again. If you don’t start at the right end, if both sides aren’t moving up at the same pace, if its too high or too low, you start again, you start again, you start again. No loose ends, no marks, no holes otherwise you start again. Even if its not visible, is it a new pair? Are you sure they’re a pair? Start again, just in case. Then come the shoes. Something’s not right; is it the shoes or the socks? Take everything off and start again.
It’s quite funny thinking about it now, mostly because I haven’t been part of that ritual for years, but I cannot describe the stress that develops from putting on socks. Bottom line was if he’s uncomfortable everything has to start again. There was no compromise, no slight adjustment and just go along with it. If it happened during the day, at the school, the supermarket they’d come off.
Sensory sensitivity can be a real time consumer. I’d say don’t get frustrated about it but that would make me a hypocrite. Me and my dad would just give up after the tenth time. My only advice is keep at it, you’ll get it right at some point. It’s not their fault, and it sure isn’t your fault. You know how sometimes your socks might be inside out, or might not match? That doesn’t happen in our house. Even if we wore sock the wrong way, he would make us take the off and put them on the right way.
Five paragraphs on putting your socks on – how many lines would it take you?