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An autism sister watching Atypical Season 2, Episodes 3-10

It took me a while to get through this season because it is so emotionally charged. It’s a bit too relatable for me.

Ultimately, I want you to watch it and see these 6 things.

1: In episode 3, Sam walks out of his class at some point due to sensory overload. The way he walks out reminded me of my brother. The eyes, the mouth twitching, the hand shaking, the urgency in his step. He walks out of that class as if his life depended on it. Sam has autism spectrum disorder. Keir Gilchrist, the actor, does not. Creating a single, accurate portrayal of living with ASD is impossible. Therefore, to create something relatable to as many people as you can you endeavour to make connections through different interpretations of ASD. It is a colossal credit to the people behind Atypical that Keir was able to remind little old me of my autistic brother in that scene. You can hear what he has to say about the show here, at Autfest 2018 hosted by Autism Society of America. In the same breath, we are introduced to an autism group with a range of individuals. These actors are all on the spectrum in real life. Again, they do not represent the entire autism community but they are there, on the screen with their own traits teaching all of us that autism has as many faces as the ‘normal’ cult. We see that they are honest, they have insecurities we can relate to and they care and look out for each other.

2: Doug and Elsa 44333001_353571598538233_179029183383470080_nare encouraged to promote awareness after an incident with Sam. I don’t want to state the obvious but that’s what i’m doing with this blog, that what we are going with the autism support group in Cyprus, that’s what my dad does with hiring people on the spectrum to work with. It’s not me being me when I say that our people are inspiring. As soon as they waltz into our lives they start tearing down walls, they press a reset button and draw a line between who we were and who we are meant to be. They push us out of our box, and pull us into unknown territory. They open our eyes and give us the gift of purpose.

3: Bullying. We experience Sam’s school life without Casey and although it is heartbreaking to see, watch and relate to we are also reminded that people outside our family have our kids back as well. It’s daunting for an autism family to let go and not be in control. It is nearly impossible to trust when it comes to them because of how cruel our society can be to anyone who is not neurotypical. We are reminded that they will have friends and foes wherever they go, and that their friends are capable of loving them and defending them as ferociously as we do. We experience more of the friendship between Zahid and Sam in this season. It is refreshing to see a portrayal of non-family members and how attuned they are to the needs of the person on the spectrum. It demonstrates the impact a neurodiverse person can have on everyone around them. Zahid gives as good as he takes in this friendship and when he feels he’s out of his league he calls in the big guns – Casey.

4: Sam explains that autism is not an accomplishment. It is not something he worked towards or something he has overcome. For neurotypicals it’s easy to think of someone’s progress as ‘overcoming’ their autism but that’s not an accurate observation or conclusion to make. Autism is something he was born with. Autism it’s part of his physical, genetic, cognitive and behavioural development as a person. He can’t overcome it, because he is it. To Sam, autism is like having fingers and toes. Think of it this way: Some people’s toes are long, some toes are longer than others, some are tiny. Some fingers bend to the left or the right, some have big nail  surfaces some barely have any. No two toes or fingers in the world are the same which means that there are 7.6 billion different pairs of toes in the world. Some people can bend make different shapes with their fingers, some can paint with their toes. Some are ambidextrous, some don’t have all ten.  Who’s to say what a persons abilities are based on their fingers and toes?

5: Casey – Which I talk about extensively here.

6: It is painfully obvious how immense and substantial the research was when the concept of Atypical was cooked up.  The crew, the directors, the writers and the actors show us in every single episode that they are trying to understand all the hundreds of layers that exist beneath the surface of an autism family. Every member is their own person. They don’t have the answers, they don’t do everything right because an autism diagnosis doesn’t come with a manual. Their characters are not superficially drawn up scripts that react to autism. Not all their decisions or actions relate to the person with autism. Each member is a complex human being, who struggles with their insecurities, their past, their future, their friendships/relationships, and autism. They are deeply relatable and painfully real.

Bonus tip: It’s so so worth watching.

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The “Normal” Cult

29830733_10156190751535030_853762012_oIt’s autism awareness week if you hadn’t noticed & I read this article on BBC about women on the spectrum – It all made sense when we found out we were autistic . These women are teachers, PhD candidates, artists, comedians, psychologists and they are inspiring (& autistic).

About 700,000 people in the UK are on the autism spectrum, according to the National Autistic Society. That’s approx 1.05% of the UK population.

In a one-hour special for Channel 4, tonight 28 March 2018, trainee human rights lawyer Georgia Harper and artist Sam Ahern, who both have autism, aim to uncover the true face of autism in the UK today. I hope you’ll be watching.

Autism awareness isn’t just about the future of autism, it’s also about the past and present. It’s about every person who feels they don’t “fit in”, all the times it feels like everyone else was given a manual on life, a ‘lost generation’ of thousands of adults going through life without a diagnosis. Autism awareness is about informing, spreading knowledge, sharing stories, finding new ways, and removing the stigma imposed by a system that doesn’t understand.

Autism awareness isn’t spread only by those living with autism. It’s a plague – a good plague. Awareness is born out of love, it spreads with our voices and makes an impact with our actions. It starts with sharing a story with another mum, or with children asking questions, with major airports introducing measures to help passengers with autism, shops introducing ‘autism hours’ and employers investing in autism training for staff. All the milestones we have witnessed in the world in the 5 years started with a voice.

The biggest obstacle to understanding autism is the expectation to look ‘normal’, the imposition of being ‘neurotypical’ and the social bullying that makes us dismiss and disable anything outside this fictional realm of “normal-ness”. We are programmed to treat anything different differently but what happens when you can’t see the difference? We grow up judging books by their covers and learn to condemn them when the cover doesn’t match what we thought should be inside. You ask someone,”Why is it weird if someone won’t make eye contact?”. Unless it’s a cultural trait, no one can think of an answer except a variation of “It’s not normal”.

You see someone and they look ‘normal’, they speak ‘normalish’, their lives seem ‘normal’ – they have a PhD, or a job or a family and they fit in your category of ‘normal’. As soon as you find out they are on the spectrum your perception shifts. You think, “how? why? really?”.

Autism awareness aims to infiltrate and destroy the ‘normal’ cult we subscribe to. It wants to shatter illusions of what we are supposed to do, it wants to expand our horizons and adds new words to our dictionaries. Just like all the once outcasts of this made up and exclusive society of “normal” the autism awareness movement is working. One in 100 people in the UK are diagnosed with ASD, teachers and police officers are trained, there are groundbreaking findings in ASD research and major channels invest money in documentaries, series and autistic actors/presenters (or muppets).

Autism is becoming a regular headline and it all starts with a voice. April is Autism Awareness day/week/month: here are some things you can do to help – Until everyone understands ; Wear Blue ; 30 things to do in April .

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Christos’ dental journey

I recently got a message from Christos’ dentist, Ioanna, to tell me about his most recent visit and the progress he has made. I also wrote about one of his visits in 2015 – Back to the Dentist. I asked Ioanna if she would be willing to contribute to this blog and here is the result.

My first encounter with autism was 15 years ago when Christos was referred to me by his family dentist. He was the first child on the autism spectrum I had in my private practice as a young pediatric dentist. I knew nothing – as I realised later – about autism, but Christos inspired me to get involved and learn as much as I could.

And that’s how I was introduced to the world of autism. I am so lucky to have had the best guides! Unique Christos and his special family!

He was only 4 1/2 years old when I met him. His dental problems, the behavioral restrictions due to his young age and the difficulties due to autism made it easy to choose a full dental treatment under general anesthesia. The first goal was achieved. Our next goals – and most difficult ones! – were helping Christos brush and have good oral health as well as gaining his trust and cooperation for the frequent dental visits over the upcoming years.


Dental treatment doesn’t differentiate between people on the autism spectrum and other patients. Rather we have to be aware of behaviour management and accommodate the needs of the patient. This is a real challenge! Sensory disorders make it even more difficult. What I’ve learned, in the last 15 years, is that I have to be armed with patience, understanding, persistence, flexibility, creativity and love when I work with people on the autism spectrum…and with people in general!

In the beginning, I used to see Christos every 2-3 months. This was to help him become familiar with the dental office and, of course, with myself. I could see how hard it was for him to adjust and take in all those new things; smells, lights, doors, drawers!!!!  I must admit, it was hard for me too. I had to interpret his behaviour and the only reason I managed to do it was because of the great help of his parents. I felt them to be some kind of translation between me and my patient!

It took Christos 3 visits to finally sit on the dental chair and open his mouth. I tried to teach him and his parents how to brush. His mum and dad were so brave to fight that battle at home! (I think Dora described it once in one of her articles – Thinking about the things you don’t think about: b) Attack of the Toothbrush). You can see why brushing can be a real struggle for people on the autism spectrum! After that we managed to put some fluoride varnish – that’s one with the strange taste! – on his teeth! 2 1/2 years later we managed to do the fissure sealants on his newly erupted first permanent teeth! That meant that he would have to sit for a significantly longer period of time with his mouth open, tasting too many strange things with odd tastes and feeling all the weird textures. But we made it!

A moment I won’t forget is when I got a phone call from Christos’ dad one weekend. He was so happy and proud that Christos said my name while showing his moving tooth!!! This was Christos’ way of explaining that something was going on with his tooth and it was his dentist’s job to take care of it. It was another milestone in his personal progress and I was so excited and happy for him!

Another memory I have is of how anxious I was when we decided to extract two teeth to make space for the new ones. We needed to make sure the teeth settled and were arranged well as it wouldn’t be possible for Christos to have braces. I had to give him local anesthesia with an injection. However, once again Christos surprised me. He acted like it wasn’t a big deal at all! His parents and I were so relieved and so proud of him!

Step by step, Christos knew he had to accept and follow my rules; but I also had to follow his! I couldn’t break some of his routines. I had to accept and try to understand many strange (to me) behaviors and obsessiveness, especially at the start. For example, he wanted to drink water immediately after the fluoride application and throw the plastic cup in the dustbin. During every appointment I would try to convince him not to do that and …guess what? We made it last time!!! After 15 years!!! What did Christos teach me? Never give up on my goals! Keep trying!

His last visit also came with some very interesting parts. Christos took on the role of a role model for another special boy! The boy who had the appointment before Christos came back into the room when he saw him entering my office. I asked for Christos’ permission first but he didn’t look bothered by this other new person in the room. From Christos, this is a permission! If he didn’t want someone there, he would make it very clear! At the end of our appointment, I asked Christos’ mum if we could take a photo to send it to his sister with his progress. To my surprise, she had already done it!!! Not only that, but after the appointment I also got a warm sms from Christos’ dad! The people around him are so sharing, so loving and so alert.


A couple of years ago, I was part of an internet conversation with colleagues from other parts of the world to share useful experiences and knowledge about autism and dental treatment. I got a message from one of them saying “You don’t want autistic patients!” His words shocked me. I thought about my long journey and realised how valuable it was for my career, my personality, my view about people and life to meet Christos.

One of the interesting parts of my job – and it’s one of them that I love! – is that I can follow the changes in the life of my young patients and their families. It’s amazing! I had the chance to see Christos growing, starting to talk, improving his communication skills, being happy after his trips to meet his sister, being a teenager with a big change in his behaviour and becoming an adult. His family shared some of their worries, some of their endless efforts to give support to their hero, some of their philosophy about life with me.

Christos gave me the first piece of the autism puzzle and it is a precious one! I want to really thank him for it!

Thank you Ioanna for your words. But mostly, thank you for your patience, kindness and love over the time my family has known you. I can only say that I hope you are a role model to your colleagues in the same way that you are an inspiration to those around you.

PS: The green thing Christo is holding in the photo is a mirror so he can watch exactly what Ioanna is doing. Did someone say control-freak? 

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Atypical:

Just binge-watched the much anticipated Netflix Original series ‘Atypical‘. The series follows Sam, who is on the Autism Spectrum, on his journey to finding love.

Even though its sold as a comedy, the show made me ugly-cry a lot more than it made me laugh out loud. The show presented many big and small moments that I have experienced first hand. The autistic lead is sincere and very well portrayed. You can see the extensive research that went into developing the ‘Sam’ character and he delivers quite well, in my opinion. Obviously, not everyone on the spectrum is like Sam, but I think this series is more about the family rather than the lead.

I can’t think of anything I disliked about the show, although you’ll hear a lot of self-proclaimed experts throwing shade at every opportunity. To them I say, appreciate the effort of incorporating an autism story into something as mainstream as Netflix. To you I say, watch it. Remember, not every person on the spectrum is like Sam, but this is a good starting point.

What was the inspiration for the story?
Robia Rashid says: “After working in network TV for a while, I just wanted to do something for myself. I was very aware that more people were being diagnosed with autism, and it was interesting to me that a whole generation of kids were growing up knowing that they were on the spectrum and wanting independence. That point of view seemed so interesting to me — and such a cool way to tell a dating story. You’ve seen the story of somebody looking for independence and looking for love before, but not from that specific point of view. I really was drawn to that. I was a little annoyed because it sounded really hard! I had to do a lot of research. A turning point was when I figured out that I wanted to use Sam’s voice-over. But it was both helpful and harder because it made the project much harder to write.”

Your son has the same desire to be loved that we all do.” This was the sentence in the trailer that made me want to watch Atypical. (I write about love here a lot)

I saw a lot of myself and my family in the Atypical family. The mum’s passion, making her life all about autism for so long that she forgot to live her own. The dad’s sweet disposition, feeling a disconnect to his son but making silent gestures to show his everlasting dedication to his family.

And of course, the sister. Sam’s sister spoke to me more in what she left unsaid. Watching the show as an autism sister I saw in her all the thoughts I have had in the last 19 years. I have so much in common with her and her family life. Not the obvious, as I am anything but a track star. Her triumphs are overlooked, her life is dependant on her brother’s and her future hangs in the balance. Sam says his sister never lets him get beat up as she instinctively steps in front of him when someone asks what’s wrong with him. Yet throughout the series she playfully punches him, hits him, climbs over him and jokes about his quirks. Casey (the sister) is so well written as a character she made me cry every time she was on screen.

Casey’s success is overshadowed because her family is preoccupied with Sam. When she meets up with them, she doesn’t hold a grudge. When her big news is obscured by what will happen to Sam, it’s her boyfriend who makes a scene about it to the parents. Casey knows Sam is paramount, she knows because she wants him to be. She struggles with deciding whether to ‘move on’ and do what’s best for her or to stay and help Sam through the hard times coming in the household. I lived this struggle. She is fearless when its comes to her brother and telling people to back off. She is his.

I can’t wait for season 2 of Atypical and I know it will be just as touching as the first. Well done Netflix. Well done to Robia Rashid for taking this on and doing it so well.

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Hope in millions

I just finished reading A Change of Heart. If you haven’t read it, do it right now. The next one on  my list is Inferno by Dan Brown. I had pre ordered it when it first came out and I never got around to it. Dan Brown books are the kind of books which you remember where you were when you read them. They are a journey of self discovery and they speak to each reader in a different way. Robert Langdon, the lead character, is a professor, a researcher, he is constantly looking for answers and is known for a brilliant problem-solving mind and his genius. 17195164_10154982012445030_1234091914_o

Autism can feel like a Dan Brown book some times. *Spoiler alert if you haven’t read them*

Angels and Demons is the beginning: Strange disappearances (being the diagnosis), a secret society that has infiltrated many global institutions, political, economical and religious. Autism has been around forever, but we didn’t even know what autism was in the 90’s, in Cyprus. We couldn’t Google it. It was spoken about in hushed tones and behind closed doors. When the vaccination scandal broke out and was the rebuked the conspiracy lovers amongst us looked at the big corporations, the big boys and wondered what we weren’t being told. As soon as we started researching, looking, reading we uncovered a world we had no idea existed. A powerful word and a condition so complex we had to dig deeper before we even scratched the surface.

The Da Vinci Code is the road to acceptance. It starts with murder (like all the books) that hits close to the heart. To us it was like all the dreams, hopes we had for his future had disappeared after the diagnosis. We set out on a journey to find the reason behind why this had happened. Langdon tries to solve the mystery of this ancient secret society. He breaks codes and solves puzzles. We broke sanity barriers and solved puzzles. Our Holy Grail was finding out how to reverse this. However, when he spoke his first word, we found out that all we had to do was love him for who he was. The answer is in his heart, in our love for him. He was the Holy Grail all along.

The Lost Symbol is about growing up, about realising what you are made of; a severed hand, the story of the prodigal son resonates throughout the book. A son away from home, who always had home with him. It reminds me of leaving Chris to come live in the UK. True, I do not think of myself as the angel Moloch, nor do i intend to. But throughout the book Langdon is submerged in his research around the hidden Ancient Mysteries whose knowledge is now lost to mankind because we have stopped looking at it the right way. The Lost Symbol is  knowledge. Knowledge by education, by research, by constantly learning. That’s what awareness is all about, knowing ones self is the missing key that prevents humans from realising their true potential; that there is a bit of divine in all of us. Whether we are neurotypical or neurodiverse.

This months hope is found in research.

Edinburgh University has been given £20m for autism studies. The Simons Foundation has made the contribution hoping to delve into the biological mechanisms that underpin changes in brain development linked with autism. You may remember – or not – that the Simons Foundation was also the foundation i wrote about in 2016. (see below)

Scientists based in the university’s Patrick Wild Centre for Research into Autism, Fragile X Syndrome and Intellectual Disabilities will use advanced techniques to probe brain development in the presence of DNA changes known to cause autism. They will be looking into the wiring variety of the brain and how it can affect how it can processes information.

There are so many on going projects around the world regarding autism right now. The poo research, the discovery of ASD genes that have never before been linked to autism show that we are now committed to investing big sums in search of a holy grail, a Word, a lost symbol. We are venturing out to the unknown in search of a gene, a pattern, a puzzle piece.

Stay tuned for Inferno.

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When Will We Learn?

I’m not going to write about the atrocity that was the US Election – here’s what i felt a year ago #Project324 Trump, Republicans and Disabilities, oh my.

I’m going to write about hope, the future. I’m going to remind you that you can change things, that you need to be strong in the face of racism, discrimination and unfairness. I’m going to ask you to take action, to not let this perversion become our legacy. I’m going to ask you to think about what world you want our kids to grow up in and what we can do right now to make sure they do.

Ambitious about Autism is an organisation i work with, they’ve put on projects like: #EmployMe for which I wrote –  What happens when you turn 18? UN International Day of Families for which I wrote – A letter to my autistic brother on his 18th birthday . Fun fact – I wrote this in 15 minutes and cried the whole way through, I haven’t read this since it’s been published. Maybe fun isn’t the word for it. Autism Friendly – Ambitious about Autism supported a London-based restaurant in winning the first of the National Autistic Society’s Autism Friendly Awards. Making the world Autism-Friendly Back to School – School Bells

Their latest is called #WhenWillWeLearn. The ambition is to make the ordinary possible for children and young people with autism. They provide services at schools and colleges, raise awareness and understanding and campaign for change. 

And they don’t give up. Their campaign asks you to write to your MP (if you are in the UK). Those of you outside the UK can write to your local authority, or you can write to me – I would love to forward your letter to our MPs, because it doesn’t matter where you live. A small change can resonate around the world – that’s the beauty of awareness, it doesn’t have borders. Sign up to show your support: ambitiousaboutautism.org.uk/pledge-your-support or email me.

The campaign highlights that:
80% of children with autism experience anxiety every day about attending school;
45% had been illegally denied their right to a full education;
Over 1000 parents are forced to take legal action every year to get the support their child is entitled to;
42% of classroom teachers say their training doesn’t prepare them to meet the needs of children with autism; I wrote about this here.

So, please don’t give up. Because we have made a difference already; businesses introducing schemes to train people on the spectrum like Ford, Apple, Microsoft etc; stores introducing quiet hour to accommodate autism; TV shows are introducing characters on the spectrum; theatres/cinemas are catering for autistic youth; ‘neurodiversity’ is an official term and it’s all because of all of you, reading about autism and not giving up.

15007644_10154605350205030_2088488013_oI traveled to Venice on the 3rd November and, incidentally, it was also the day that Gatwick became an Autism Friendly airport. A ceremony was held but I didn’t know about it until later when i was stuffing my face with gelato and thinking about how much Christo would love it. The airport was presented with an award by the Chief Executive of the National Autistic Society to mark the achievement. Gatwick met a range of Autism Friendly criteria to help passengers, their families and carers, it has been praised for providing clear and accessible information for passengers about the airport and the assistance available to help plan for their journey. Staff have been specially trained to help assist autistic passengers and a hidden disability lanyard system has been put in place. HOW EXCITING. I wrote about Chris at the airport here. I know, I’ve referred to my own writings a lot in this post but it just goes to show that the information is everywhere, and it’s only a click away. So, click.

It’s up to us – we have to do this, we have to write, speak, call, email, visit, shout about all the things we want and by doing it for our own, we are doing it for everyone; one step at a time. Now, more than ever, we need to unite. We need to be one and we need to make our voices heard, because they did – so why can’t we? Now more than ever, we should recognise the power or the people. Because it was people that did this, and it will be people that change it.

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The end of Chapter 3

Earlier this week I found out that i have finally passed my Legal Practice Course; an LPC is the vocational stage of training to be a solicitor that must be taken after completing a law degree and before practicing. This means that after 8 years of being a law student, I am done. I was trying to describe to my friends how happy I was to receive the news and I couldn’t find words.

If you are a regular reader, you know that this was part of my life plan. I moved away from home, I’ve been studying since 2008 and working alongside my studies to set down the cornerstones of the life Christos will have to join eventually. This last month has been a tough one. My nan was in hospital for 3 weeks. My nan, or my 75137_10150101622680030_3087748_nyiayia, is a 2-time cancer survivor, she’s worked since she was 14 and she raised us all with such love. She loves a good sing-along, a western cowboy film, she knows how to throw a good party, she loves a good beer with her lunch and a whiskey on special occasions. She looks amazing; i know I’m biased but look at her! She always takes care of herself even though she worked 16-hour days, she never said no to a customer or an ill aunt, she was never too tired to run around after her grandchildren and I’m so proud of her – I used to borrow my yiaya’s jewelry and shoes, that’s how cool my yiayia is. She’s one tough cookie. I love my yiayia, she makes the best food, the best tea, toast and jam, she makes the best cakes (she owned a confectionery), she cries every time we speak and she rubs my feet even though hers are way more tired. I love my yiayia the most though because of how she treats Christo. I talk a lot about how our family felt after the diagnosis but my nan and granddad were right there with us. They went through all the emotions, all the ups and downs. They picked us up from school, babysat, they took Christo to speech therapy, to the oxygen chamber appointments, they watched the Lion King a thousand times, they picked up after  a tantrum, they always had a stash of calming treats, they stopped singing because he doesn’t like it and they never gave up on him. She has been a support to us and to Christo for as long as he has been with us. She knows his language, his schedule and how to bribe him for kisses and hugs. Christo knows he has to respect her, he knows which buttons to push and he knows that every time he says ‘yiayia’ she is ready to give him the world. I love the way they love him because it looks like the way i love him. It’s my only consolation, knowing he is loved that much every day I am not there.

By completing the course, I’ve ticked off a big box on my preparation list for our future. It’s something I have been working on for years, it’s the one thing I’ve worked so hard on, it’s what i will base the rest of my life on. And it’s done, it’s just there now waiting to be built on – waiting for me.

The end of the LPC is the end of the first big chapter in my life. 2 years of 4000 words every 10 days, 17 exams, sleepless nights, lots of wine, and lots of tears and it’s over. I breathe a sigh of relief before I move on, i take a moment to leave this behind and digest what it all means. In my head, everything i did was a step closer to the end game – the LPC was about 150,000 steps. I can look at my brother now with confidence, with certainty that we are going to be okay. I like to think that if he knew he would be proud, I like to think that deep down he knows. I can look back to when I left him to study in Lancaster and not be struck down by guilt; because after 8 years i did what i left him for. I think of all the birthdays i missed, all the tantrums, all the times he needed me and even though i can never go back and be there, it wasn’t all in vain.

Stay tuned for Chapter 4 of Life with the Pereras.