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An autism sister watching Atypical Season 2, Episode 2

I’m only going to talk about Casey (the sister) in this post. I want you to see her the way I see her.  I want you to see through her to all the sisters out there.

42877323_986385234880394_644448336547414016_nThe sister at home – Champion. She is the neurotypical child. She is the one that outed her mum. She is a good student, and a sought after athlete.

She is attuned with her surroundings and the needs of every member of her family. She blames herself when the marriage is put in jeopardy, when Sam finds out and tries to keep normalcy when Sam needs it the most. She takes on responsibilities no one has assigned her with. No one in her family expects her to be all these things, to think of all the implications and consequences. Her thoughts and needs take a back seat because she is the neurotypical, she is the one that has to be there while the parents sort out their own stuff. There’s no time for her emotional distress because she has to step up for every other member in their family. Plus, no one asked how she was dealing with her parent’s problems or in her new school – her champion mask is impenetrable.

The sister at old school – Shield: Everyone knows that you do not mess with Casey and Sam. Sam continues coping at school without Casey because of the foundations she has laid in previous years. It is expected that there will be repercussions when it comes to Sam, and no one wants to take that risk with her. I’m getting ahead of myself but in Episode 3, a fellow pupil accidentally does something to Sam and she says to him “Tell Casey I didn’t mean it”. Her shield mask is impactful.

The sister at new school – Timid. We haven’t seen this side of Casey yet. Mostly because she is so assertive in all her other roles. She is outside her comfort-zone. No one knows her as Sam’s sister here – they know her as an athlete, they will get to know her as Casey. It’s hard for her to readjust and define herself as her own person. She resorts to funny remarks and sarcasm almost every opportunity she gets while she is at the new school. Like I mentioned above, no one in her family has asked how her first few days at school have been – not on screen anyway. That’s not something that just hasn’t been addressed in the script, that’s how it really is in life.

On her first day she had a brought prepared lunch from home, on her second day she has to survive on peanuts and on the third day someone offers her a helping hand (whether it’s a good idea or not is irrelevant). She grabs it because she needs to be taken care of. Do you see how inspired this analogy is? It’s a representation of all the crap she has to deal with in the last few days narrated in food, the thing that sustains us.

Instead of crumbling she picks herself up and watches the penguin cam with her brother. She doesn’t even see herself as being in need of support or comfort. She deals and returns to what’s important. She doesn’t take the compliment from her dad calling her a ‘good kid’ because the things she does, and the support she offers comes is who she is. It’s not fake, it’s not something she has to think of; it’s not for a reward. She has to find her Casey mask.

*End*

As an autism sister, it’s was impossible for me to define myself or to get to know myself when i was growing up. Family break ups and autism drowned out my noise. I never had the chance to sit down and think “Right, this is what I want; this is what I like; this is what I don’t like”. My teenage years were me moulding myself to what I thought my family needed.

I moved away because I thought that’s what I needed to do so I could offer my brother the best future I could. I did law because I thought it would make me financially stable for my brother. I did an MA because I thought that’s what was expected of me. And my relationships and friendships? Well.

In the last two years, I have gotten to know myself . I spend more time with me, I know what films I like – not because my friends like them. I know what music I want to listen to – not because it’s popular. I know what books I like to read – not because they’re bestsellers. I used to drink beer because we were at a pub or eat beef because steak is  ‘the best’. I’d go out every time people had plans without any regard to what I wanted, I’d watch all the blockbusters, listen to all the hits and pretend that I didn’t have a care in the world because no one likes a downer.

Now I know that I don’t want to be a solicitor, I don’t like beef, I can tell people I disagree without the crippling fear that they won’t like me anymore. 12 years down the line, I bagged myself a blind date with me.

It’s hard for any teen to figure out who they are. Add a break up and autism in the mix and things get even worse.

When you look at Casey, or an autism family, look beyond the autism cloak. They are still humans, flawed, broken, tired, brave, and sometimes inspirational humans. When you watch Atypical, read between the scripted lines.

Casey is the single most inspiring female character I have watched in the last few years. I hope you see her through my eyes and that you let her teach you about autism, family and love.

After the trauma of the first episode, i’m ready to binge. I’ll let you know when i come up for air. 😊

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April 2018: 2 new facts

  1. In 2007, the Qatar representative to the UN, Her Highness Sheikha Mozah bint Nasser Al Missned,  put forward a UN General Assembly resolution, to create World Autism Awareness Day. This gave way to today, a day dedicated to raising awareness about ASD across the world.
  2. Numbers published by the World Health Organisation show that approx 1 in 160 children are diagnosed with autism. That suggests that of the 7.2 billion people living on Earth, approx 45 million are diagnosed. Plus the lost generation and women that never received a diagnosis due to a variety of factors.

45 million! Autism is no longer a hidden disability.

Autism awareness is not confined to this day, or to this month. We fight for it every day to help educate people on how to better understand autistic people and lessen the stigma and discrimination that autistic people face in every day life. Awareness means that the community can identify and respect the autism spectrum. Awareness means that the financial burden families have to bear may be lessened with proper access to support and by making autism education and alternative therapies a mainstream issue.

Welcome to autism awareness month.

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The “Normal” Cult

29830733_10156190751535030_853762012_oIt’s autism awareness week if you hadn’t noticed & I read this article on BBC about women on the spectrum – It all made sense when we found out we were autistic . These women are teachers, PhD candidates, artists, comedians, psychologists and they are inspiring (& autistic).

About 700,000 people in the UK are on the autism spectrum, according to the National Autistic Society. That’s approx 1.05% of the UK population.

In a one-hour special for Channel 4, tonight 28 March 2018, trainee human rights lawyer Georgia Harper and artist Sam Ahern, who both have autism, aim to uncover the true face of autism in the UK today. I hope you’ll be watching.

Autism awareness isn’t just about the future of autism, it’s also about the past and present. It’s about every person who feels they don’t “fit in”, all the times it feels like everyone else was given a manual on life, a ‘lost generation’ of thousands of adults going through life without a diagnosis. Autism awareness is about informing, spreading knowledge, sharing stories, finding new ways, and removing the stigma imposed by a system that doesn’t understand.

Autism awareness isn’t spread only by those living with autism. It’s a plague – a good plague. Awareness is born out of love, it spreads with our voices and makes an impact with our actions. It starts with sharing a story with another mum, or with children asking questions, with major airports introducing measures to help passengers with autism, shops introducing ‘autism hours’ and employers investing in autism training for staff. All the milestones we have witnessed in the world in the 5 years started with a voice.

The biggest obstacle to understanding autism is the expectation to look ‘normal’, the imposition of being ‘neurotypical’ and the social bullying that makes us dismiss and disable anything outside this fictional realm of “normal-ness”. We are programmed to treat anything different differently but what happens when you can’t see the difference? We grow up judging books by their covers and learn to condemn them when the cover doesn’t match what we thought should be inside. You ask someone,”Why is it weird if someone won’t make eye contact?”. Unless it’s a cultural trait, no one can think of an answer except a variation of “It’s not normal”.

You see someone and they look ‘normal’, they speak ‘normalish’, their lives seem ‘normal’ – they have a PhD, or a job or a family and they fit in your category of ‘normal’. As soon as you find out they are on the spectrum your perception shifts. You think, “how? why? really?”.

Autism awareness aims to infiltrate and destroy the ‘normal’ cult we subscribe to. It wants to shatter illusions of what we are supposed to do, it wants to expand our horizons and adds new words to our dictionaries. Just like all the once outcasts of this made up and exclusive society of “normal” the autism awareness movement is working. One in 100 people in the UK are diagnosed with ASD, teachers and police officers are trained, there are groundbreaking findings in ASD research and major channels invest money in documentaries, series and autistic actors/presenters (or muppets).

Autism is becoming a regular headline and it all starts with a voice. April is Autism Awareness day/week/month: here are some things you can do to help – Until everyone understands ; Wear Blue ; 30 things to do in April .

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The Sri Lanka Diaries

Christos, Dad and I are in Sri Lanka for 13 days. Note that this is the first time Christos has travelled without my mum. The prospect of travelling with an autistic adult who towers over both his father and sister was daunting. However, the only restless Pereras were the neurotypical ones. Christos cruised through the airport security, the airplane, the food, the transit and the overnight flight.

He adjusted to life in Sri Lanka just like a true traveller. All he asks is what the schedule is for the day. At our number one hotel we had a suite, a pool and 3 buffets. The staff were curious about Christos and keen to help in any way possible. By day two, everyone knew who he was. They knew what breakfast he liked and what ice cream he preferred. They even learned that ‘Efharisto’ means ‘thank you’ in Greek. Christos has no reservations when it comes to being in Amaya Lake. Even though it’s been 7 years since he last visited, he remembers it as if he has been there this whole time. His memory is impeccable.

The way of life, the culture is the first thing you notice when you get off the plane. Everyone is smiling, everyone wants to talk, help, and everyone stares. I can speak for Cypriots and Brits when I say that staring is not ‘polite’ and not encouraged. However, here it’s unavoidable. Staring here is not malicious because if you have an issue with someone you will sort it out immediately. Staring is education. It’s a revelation how little it bothers us here in comparison to Europe. The chasm between these two continents is evident in its people.

We talk about how lucky we are with Christo every day. There are families that can’t even dream about a vacation with autism. Yet, here we are. Talking to people who don’t know the word and explaining to them what this spectrum is all about. We are literally walking, talking, breathing awareness. Just by walking in a room Christos captures their attention, he evokes questions and he bestows new knowledge. This information will be talked about with friends, with family, and it will change someone’s life; maybe not here, maybe not now but one day.

I’ll go into the details of this adventure in later posts. For now, let me just remind you to respect and understand each other. We are only here for a limited time, and in that time we can make wonders happen. Remember that you may be the missing piece to a puzzle we all want solved.

Happy Holidays from the Pereras.

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Christos’ dental journey

I recently got a message from Christos’ dentist, Ioanna, to tell me about his most recent visit and the progress he has made. I also wrote about one of his visits in 2015 – Back to the Dentist. I asked Ioanna if she would be willing to contribute to this blog and here is the result.

My first encounter with autism was 15 years ago when Christos was referred to me by his family dentist. He was the first child on the autism spectrum I had in my private practice as a young pediatric dentist. I knew nothing – as I realised later – about autism, but Christos inspired me to get involved and learn as much as I could.

And that’s how I was introduced to the world of autism. I am so lucky to have had the best guides! Unique Christos and his special family!

He was only 4 1/2 years old when I met him. His dental problems, the behavioral restrictions due to his young age and the difficulties due to autism made it easy to choose a full dental treatment under general anesthesia. The first goal was achieved. Our next goals – and most difficult ones! – were helping Christos brush and have good oral health as well as gaining his trust and cooperation for the frequent dental visits over the upcoming years.


Dental treatment doesn’t differentiate between people on the autism spectrum and other patients. Rather we have to be aware of behaviour management and accommodate the needs of the patient. This is a real challenge! Sensory disorders make it even more difficult. What I’ve learned, in the last 15 years, is that I have to be armed with patience, understanding, persistence, flexibility, creativity and love when I work with people on the autism spectrum…and with people in general!

In the beginning, I used to see Christos every 2-3 months. This was to help him become familiar with the dental office and, of course, with myself. I could see how hard it was for him to adjust and take in all those new things; smells, lights, doors, drawers!!!!  I must admit, it was hard for me too. I had to interpret his behaviour and the only reason I managed to do it was because of the great help of his parents. I felt them to be some kind of translation between me and my patient!

It took Christos 3 visits to finally sit on the dental chair and open his mouth. I tried to teach him and his parents how to brush. His mum and dad were so brave to fight that battle at home! (I think Dora described it once in one of her articles – Thinking about the things you don’t think about: b) Attack of the Toothbrush). You can see why brushing can be a real struggle for people on the autism spectrum! After that we managed to put some fluoride varnish – that’s one with the strange taste! – on his teeth! 2 1/2 years later we managed to do the fissure sealants on his newly erupted first permanent teeth! That meant that he would have to sit for a significantly longer period of time with his mouth open, tasting too many strange things with odd tastes and feeling all the weird textures. But we made it!

A moment I won’t forget is when I got a phone call from Christos’ dad one weekend. He was so happy and proud that Christos said my name while showing his moving tooth!!! This was Christos’ way of explaining that something was going on with his tooth and it was his dentist’s job to take care of it. It was another milestone in his personal progress and I was so excited and happy for him!

Another memory I have is of how anxious I was when we decided to extract two teeth to make space for the new ones. We needed to make sure the teeth settled and were arranged well as it wouldn’t be possible for Christos to have braces. I had to give him local anesthesia with an injection. However, once again Christos surprised me. He acted like it wasn’t a big deal at all! His parents and I were so relieved and so proud of him!

Step by step, Christos knew he had to accept and follow my rules; but I also had to follow his! I couldn’t break some of his routines. I had to accept and try to understand many strange (to me) behaviors and obsessiveness, especially at the start. For example, he wanted to drink water immediately after the fluoride application and throw the plastic cup in the dustbin. During every appointment I would try to convince him not to do that and …guess what? We made it last time!!! After 15 years!!! What did Christos teach me? Never give up on my goals! Keep trying!

His last visit also came with some very interesting parts. Christos took on the role of a role model for another special boy! The boy who had the appointment before Christos came back into the room when he saw him entering my office. I asked for Christos’ permission first but he didn’t look bothered by this other new person in the room. From Christos, this is a permission! If he didn’t want someone there, he would make it very clear! At the end of our appointment, I asked Christos’ mum if we could take a photo to send it to his sister with his progress. To my surprise, she had already done it!!! Not only that, but after the appointment I also got a warm sms from Christos’ dad! The people around him are so sharing, so loving and so alert.


A couple of years ago, I was part of an internet conversation with colleagues from other parts of the world to share useful experiences and knowledge about autism and dental treatment. I got a message from one of them saying “You don’t want autistic patients!” His words shocked me. I thought about my long journey and realised how valuable it was for my career, my personality, my view about people and life to meet Christos.

One of the interesting parts of my job – and it’s one of them that I love! – is that I can follow the changes in the life of my young patients and their families. It’s amazing! I had the chance to see Christos growing, starting to talk, improving his communication skills, being happy after his trips to meet his sister, being a teenager with a big change in his behaviour and becoming an adult. His family shared some of their worries, some of their endless efforts to give support to their hero, some of their philosophy about life with me.

Christos gave me the first piece of the autism puzzle and it is a precious one! I want to really thank him for it!

Thank you Ioanna for your words. But mostly, thank you for your patience, kindness and love over the time my family has known you. I can only say that I hope you are a role model to your colleagues in the same way that you are an inspiration to those around you.

PS: The green thing Christo is holding in the photo is a mirror so he can watch exactly what Ioanna is doing. Did someone say control-freak?